Celebrating and grieving

Today is Jamie's fourth birthday. We celebrated with a party at a park yesterday, with family and six classmates in attendance. Jamie enjoyed it very much, especially the fact that all the presents he opened got to come home with us. I enjoyed the fact that my little boy enjoyed his party.

Why then, tonight, are there tears in my eyes, occasionally slipping down my cheeks? Why tonight did I remember my first baby, the one in heaven, the one I carried for eight weeks after four years of infertility before having to let go of the little scrap of a body that couldn't live on earth for some reason? Perhaps it's in the celebration of my youngest's birthday that I miss the birthdays of the one I haven't been allowed to celebrate, at least not in person.

Grieving at times is good and appropriate, and I don't often grieve like this, but tonight I miss my first baby. Perhaps today's struggles of an imperfect parent trying to raise godly but imperfect children have brought extra emotion to the evening. But I won't try to excuse the tears, only explain them.

On a happier note, Heather sat in "big" church with me this morning as she has been barking like a seal coughing badly. As we made our way into the sanctuary, I saw the communion serviceware set up and knew I needed to do some explaining. Back on July 19, 2008, Heather asked God to forgive her sins and live in her heart. I didn't want to deny her communion, but I wanted to know that she understood it before she observed it. Thankfully she agreed to talk about it later. After church in the car as we talked, she related to me knowing about the last supper and that the juice "stands for Jesus' blood" and the cracker "stands for Jesus' body". She talked about the whip used to flay Jesus' back the day before he was crucified and other things that showed me she's heard it and understands. What a delightful thing for this mother praying for her children daily, beseeching God to grant them spiritual wisdom and understanding and hearts open to Him.

Okay, okay, I need to update this thing more frequently and certainly include more pix. Gotcha. Right after I clean my room.

Not Me! Monday

Leaving the gym one morning, I did NOT walk up to my truck and think (in a rather pleased manner) that it didn’t look as dirty as I thought it was, nor was the front passenger seat as cluttered as I thought it was. That said, it also WASN’T me who clicked the button to unlock the door, tried the door to find it still locked, hit the unlock button again, and then finally heard my actual truck unlock two spaces behind me. Of course it was NOT as dirty and cluttered as I’d thought. That said, I DIDN’T approach the same truck a few days later, walking right by my own truck, and try in vain to get the door to unlock. That would mean I didn’t learn my lesson the first time, which of course I did.

I HAVEN’T been avoiding being a good mother while catching up on the “prayer-request blogs” I frequent. I mean, what good mother would let their kids have the run of the house (i.e., pantry) just so they could spend time reading blogs? NOT me!

I also am NOT thinking of how very boring my Not Me! Monday post is just because I’m desperately hoping to be a winner on MckMama’s NMM contest and don’t have much funny stuff to write about.

Thanks for reading. Have a blessed day!

Since confession is supposedly good for the soul, here's what I did NOT do recently:

I did NOT save up several “Not me!” incidents from the last few weeks to share all in one fell swoop today; that would be cheating, which I DON’T do.

On Christmas Eve, desperate to get a good meal on the table after a day of errands, I did NOT find Indian Meal Moth caterpillars in my Tupperware rice container. I did NOT then rinse a cup of the infested rice at least five times and put it in the rice cooker. I also did NOT eat the rice and enjoy it immensely. Perhaps that little extra flavor was the reason - NOT!!! But I am certainly NOT not letting my husband buy rice again...

Also on Christmas Eve, I did NOT wait until 9:30 p.m. to begin wrapping gifts. That would mean I’m unorganized, which I’m NOT.

I did NOT yell down the hall, “Grammy has Cooties”, when trying to explain to my husband how my daughter knows how to play the Cooties game.

I did NOT laugh hysterically at my 3-year-old son in a sporting goods store when he turned on a treadmill while standing on it and got dumped off the back end at a high rate of speed. First off, I would NEVER let my child disobey me so far as to stand on the belt and get the machine turned on in the first place. Then, I would NEVER laugh at someone else’s misfortune.

I did NOT keep cutting my daughter’s long hair all the way to chin length after the shoulder-length attempt at the nape of her neck was crooked and needed fixing. At least I didn’t need to get the clippers out and just give her a buzz cut!

I did NOT nap twice already this week when there was laundry to be put away and dinner to be made. That would mean I’m not a perfect Proverbs 31 woman, which of course I AM.

And finally, I did NOT just nearly boil dry on the stove a greasy pan full of soapy water in an attempt to make its cleaning easier, just so I could get my “Not Me!” entry done before midnight, especially while heating a frozen entree in the microwave since I napped too long to make the home-cooked meal I’d planned for tonight. Nope, NOT me!

Not Me! Monday - my first!!!

On Saturday at an amusement park, I did NOT make myself motion sick while riding on a spin-yourself-as-fast-as-you-can ride to make my 5-year-old daughter laugh and giggle hysterically.

I then did NOT sit on a bench for 20 minutes while my husband took the kids somewhere else.

I did NOT then go on "Harold the Helicopter" with both kids, only to find myself holding back vomit by sheer will, staring at the ceiling of our helicopter, praying for the ride to end.

It did NOT take me another hour lying on a bench in the cool shade to recover enough to be able to walk without the world AND my stomach spinning madly. At least I did not vomit... really.

Today I am NOT still feeling somewhat off kilter.

Here's Heather crashed on the floor after returning home from one of the grandparents' homes. She made the mistake of lying still for too long, and the sandman caught her!

Some vacation pictures

The four of us went on vacation in June to south-southeastern Washington to spend time with family. We came home via Portland to do a couple more activities.

Jamie and Heather on a wonderful old green boat on the Columbia River.

Heather enjoys the sandbox at OMSI.

Jamie gets a static charge from the hand-cranked Van de Graaff generator at OMSI.

Heather and Jamie pose at the Portland Zoo.

Heather and Jamie (or at least part of Jamie!) at one of the Columbia Gorge/Portland area falls.

Here's Jamers after "someone" colored on him with GlowBoard markers. I couldn't get a clear answer from him (he's 3), and Heavers vehemently denied it, going so far as to state that God knew she hadn't done it. Check out his blue lipstick (lower lip).